So as most of you know I'm a semester missionary through the North American Mission Board and my placement is a ministry in the Bronx, called Graffiti 2 Community Ministries. Graffiti 2 is an amazing ministry that gives kids and teenagers an alternative to basically a life on the streets. I love the ministry and believe that they have had and will continue to have a huge impact on the community of Mott Haven.
City life has been so great and not only do I not have to drive, but everything I need is literally a stone's throw away! There is always new opportunities to show and share Jesus because you never see the same person twice. Friday, we met a man named Jose at a guitar store and after talking with him a while we found out that he is also a follower of the Lord and we got to talk with him and even sang a few worship songs in the guitar store! I mean, talk about divine appointments!
Back to the Bronx. In the beginning, it was definitely a struggle to fit and feel like I was actually doing something. Don't get me wrong, I have job tasks and responsibilities and everything I do is something that has a purpose, but because I wasn't spiritually and emotionally tired at the end of everyday, I thought that there was something that I was doing wrong. I have definitely been growing and have been challenged in the best ways. I don't really like teaching kids bible study, because I'm not good at it, but doing it everyday has made it easier and sometimes I could even say that I actually like it! Hanging out with the kids is definitely the best part of my day! Getting to play with them and hear about whats going on in their life reminds me of why I'm here in the first place. I have fallen in love with the kids and youth here because of who they are and the fact that if you take the time to invest in them and ask them about their day... to find out who they really are, you see their potential. you see how bright they are. how much they have to give and how much they can impact their community. I have invested emotionally and that is very hard for me to do. It is something that I am trying to give to the Lord to work out, but we're taking it one step at a time. Even after all of these great things that are happening and how much I've grown, I still feel like I need to be home or that there is something, somewhere else waiting for me. It has been very confusing. at one point im sure of it and the next minute I'm 100% positive that I need to be here. After praying about it, I have decided to shorten my time here. I know its not that I want to be home. I have no desire in me whatsoever to go back to life in LaGrange. Yes, my family is there and I love them very much and miss them. But, there are no homeless people in LaGrange, there is not a church that seeks to operate by biblical principles, there is not a group of people who consistently intentionally involve themselves in the lives of "the least of these" (matthew 25:1-46) to pour into them so that they can pour into others. And maybe its that there are people who do this and I haven't come across them....either way, I have no longing inside to be in that place, but maybe God wants me there for a reason. I'm not sure of any of this, I can only pray and believe that I am making the right decision. I trust that either way He has something for me. That whether I'm here or there, God is with me and as long as I remain focused on Him and continue to live for His glory, wherever I am will be the right place.
Its hard not to feel like you're letting someone down or leaving a bad impression. I hate going back on something I've said because it gives people the sense that you're a flake. I don't want to be that person that people feel like they mistakenly put their trust in. I have learned that until you are absolutely sure of something, don't talk about it. Silence is key when uncertainty is in the mix. No, I don't want to let anyone down but I really don't want to let God down. I want what I want to be what He wants. There is no greater desire in me than the desire for my heart to be after Him over all things. I love Him more than my family and want Him more that I want a career or money or a nice southern gentleman who lives for Him and happens to be a missionary that sings and possibly plays an instrument....(I had to add that)....
Anyways, all of that to say that I really hope my footsteps are in line with the ones He has plotted for me.
Love y'all!!!
